Saturday, August 19, 2006

Orange Creme Lectoids

McSweeney's didn't like my review of the Orange Creme Kit Kat -- I assume it wasn't edgy enough. Read it below:

Limited Edition Orange Creme Kit Kat

A review by Rayo Casablanca

The movie The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, circa 1984 or something, is the new dope. It gets named checked at every MC Doom frat party I’ve been to and just last week I made it to 2nd base with a punk rocker who had Hong Kong Cavalier Perfect Tommy’s visage tattooed on her inner left thigh. Heck, hipsters like Wes Anderson end movies with a Buckaroo homage.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Buckaroo Banzai but there are these evil aliens called Red Lectoids from Planet 10 (judging from their neon grab it’s right near Afrika Bambataa’s Planet Rock) in it. These Lectoid cats are as fake as pleather and so ‘80s they name check Pynchon. They would go absolutely nutty over these Orange Creme Kit Kats.

When you bite into a Kit Kat you have expectations gleaned from many decades of munching on cheap American candies, but these Orange Wafer Kit Kats honestly taste bootlegged. It’s like getting a Go Bot instead of a Transformer. Hershey even spelled cream the effeminate European way to try and engender sophistication. If there has ever been a food stuff assembled in the 8th dimension and somehow, surreptitiously (I found a stack of these in the diary section (!)), planted in convenience stores, it’s these. I’m surprised the wrappers don’t have quotes from The Crying of Lot 49 on them.

1 comment:

Tex said...



(30 years a Blue Blaze Irregular)